fattypatties

Some of my regular followers of my various writings on the net probably wonder where I've been lately. To put it mildly, I basically took some down time. By the end of the Fall semester I was burnt out and overwhelmed. I have spent some time during the Winter Break to do some navel gazing and take stock of my life and my priorities.

Most journeys require letting go as well as moving forward.

Fattypatties was my first real online blog and I probably wouldn't have done it if Tish hadn't started it for me. What started as a couple of "Patricias" talking about their lives as fat women quickly evolved into my own personal blog (which I'm pretty sure Tish had in mind all the time as an evil scheme).

Fattypatties then evolved into a memoir with the help of my husband, Carl Wilkerson.

Over the years, I've written a lot and then written a little. I was even away long enough once in 2005-06 that I returned to a set of comments deciding that this bad-fatty had died. (That is when I started monitoring comments.)

Lately, I've only written here sparsely. One of the reasons my writing has slowed down is that I've not really had focus for a while. Another is that other issues and interests have sung to me more than the ones I've talked about here.

So one of the things I've decided to let of is this blog. This will be the final chapter (for now, anyway) of Fattypatties. I will still write about fatness over at Psychology Today, where I write I Take Up Space.

I will write about sociology at First Person Plural: Doing Sociology and I will write about living with disabilities at CWD: Couples with Disabilities at Psychology Today and at User Friendly Vegas.

As always, if you want to know what I, Carl or the both of us are up to, we try to keep all our projects up-to-date on our company website: SINdustry CITY.

So thank you for over 10 years of fun. I will see you in other places!

Cheers,
Pattie

Check a chance to own a Piece of my Fat History and contribute to our current project.

On the occasion of my 55th Birthday.

To all who have touched my life,

Let me begin by stating I am grateful to have made it this far. Being a fat woman, I can't tell you the number of times I've been told in my life that I would be dead by now. I seem to still be kicking even though I've slowed down a little.

I am grateful also for the wonderful people who are in my life. Of course, my husband of 20 years, Carl Wilkerson, is at the top of that list, but there are many others who I interact with on a daily basis both in meatspace and in cyberspace. I am rich beyond comparison with friends and that is a good place to be.

I am grateful for what I have materially. I sometimes get depressed about what I don't have, but I am reminded often that things could be much worse and for that I am humbled. At the end of this 55th year I find myself living in a nice apartment with some amenities in a relatively safe neighborhood, with a rewarding job as a teacher. While things need to improve in this area, this is a pretty good place to be and I've been in much worse places.

I use occasions like birthdays to think about my life and re-assess things. This year is a milestone and I have felt it in many ways. I have health issues and disabilities that remind me of my mortality and limitations and after 15 years of living with chronic illnesses, misdiagnoses and deteriorating health, I find facing this milestone a little disconcerting. In short, over the past few weeks I've been experiencing some existential angst. (Something that I suspect is good for me in the long run.)

There is one particular issue that I've been fretting over and only this morning I've come to resolve that this year will be different:

I say "yes" way too often. My "yeses" exceed my limitations and this has led me to become unreliable. Perhaps, dear reader, you are someone to whom I have said "yes" and then didn't deliver. For that I am profoundly sorry. I know that I tell people I will do things all the time and then take a long time to do them or never do them. This behavior has increased greatly over the past five years and I am ashamed to admit the extent to which I've let things get out of hand.

I am finding that my days are not reliable. I am finding that my illnesses and disabilities have left me never knowing if I can do things I intend to do or not. I am finding that along with my well-being, my illnesses and disabilities are robbing me of my character and reputation and I am not happy with this. But I have realized the past few weeks that my "just trying harder" isn't going to fix this. I am simply not capable of this kind of consistency any more. I need to admit and stop saying I can, when I clearly cannot. I'd rather be honest than undependable.

So here are my resolutions for the new year of my life on earth:

1. I am not going to commit to something unless I am absolutely sure I can complete the task. So, dear friends, if I say "maybe" it means I will try but I cannot say for sure that I can.
   
2. I am going to stop feeling guilty about what I have not done and start plugging away at catching up. If I owe you something, know that I will do my best to do it, but I have no idea when. I am getting up everyday and doing something. If I said I'd do it, then I will. I am just not going to promise a deadline at this point. If you are disappointed in this or what to discuss, please contact me. There are some people for whom I owe a lot and I will contact them individually to make amends and discuss. But if you think I should be talking to you and I have not, please feel free to contact me.
   
3. My priorities for completing work tasks are as follows:
   ~First, students/teaching, (because these are hard and fast deadlines);
   ~Second, Carl and SINdustry CITY projects;
   ~Third, Tax Business and other clients;
   ~Then, Living Sociology Club;
   ~Then, Disabilities Advocacy;
   ~Then, Fat Activism (which comes after other things because I've given a lot already to this and I need to pay attention to some other things)
   ~Then other things that might capture my attention from time to time.
   
4. I am also making a commitment to fill my tank a little more often by taking better care of my old body. This means spending some time each day doing something I enjoy, meditating, self-care and so forth. It also means some friend time, which I've sorely missed. 

So you may wonder why I am being so public with this rather personal decision. I have several purposes: I want to hold myself accountable for this. I want to record this so that next year I can look back and see if I did change. I want to hear from friends and family regarding this, so feedback is welcomed, though I reserve the right to keep it private. 

I plan to live a long time to come. I still have much I want to accomplish on this planet before I go and I am grateful for each day I have a chance to do so. But reality must be addressed. I see this year as a milestone in my own personal growth and I am committed to make that so.

Thanks for reading this and for being my friend.

Cheers,
Pattie
July 28, 2012

While legal and political discourses do not hurt in the cause of social change, what is really needed to end stigmas is a change of attitude that only comes from cultural production. Mainstream sources of culture are always going to support the status quo. We need independent voices if we want to see change. So even if it is a small amount, please show support for this film. It takes a lot of money to create, produce and distribute any film. So save the money you would have spent seeing Spider Man or The Avengers, and give it to fat causes. Thanks!

My friend and life coach Cinder Ernst is interviewing folks who have been told they are pre-diabetic. In exchange for spending 20 minutes on the phone with her she's offering a really cool free gift.

Cinder is interested in what it’s like for individuals who are coping with these diagnoses and what challenges they may be having. She is expanding her practice to serve people dealing with diabetes and wants to learn more so she can better meet those needs.

Cinder has been a well-known fat friendly fitness trainer for many many years. I have known her since 2004 when we filmed some of her classes! In the past month or two she has been coaching me. I enjoy talking to her and always find our conversations fun and useful.

You can message Cinder on FaceBook or send her an email coach@cinderernst.com Tell her Pattie sent you.