38 Days to Go
So I'm a little more optimistic today than I was yesterday. But I still have so much on my plate and so little time to make something happen. Carl is getting better, but he is far from well. I suspect that he has been flirting with pnemonia but he seems to have weathered the storm. Still his illness has made difficulties more difficult and I feel powerless in my attempts to make him better. One always thinks about how medical attention might change things in situations like this -- it is one of the times when poverty sux (like there are times when it doesn't.)
I have so many great ideas that I think could work if I just had a little leverage, some fulcrum upon which I could spring my lever and move us out of this hole.
I am bitter. I hate being bitter. But I am. It is probably one of those things that will heal, but at the moment I feel like I am bankrupt in every way possible. My ideas lay on fallon ground. My spiritual life is dark and barren. My financial life is in crisis. My personal life is non-existent. And hey, this is on a self-described "optimistic" day.
All I know to do right now is take things one day at a time, thus the current countdown to my last paycheck.It may seem pessimistic, but it is really my way of reminding myself that there is plenty of time for something good to happen.
38 Days to Go