fattypatties

resolutions

I am thinking about so much these days that my brain feels like it will explode.

Yet I've lost the ability to write about most of it. Words are hollow shells that are too small and too fragile to hold these thoughts for long.

My heart is heavy, too.

I am remembering that 15 years ago this month the heart of the baby inside my womb stopped beating. It still hurts. I still cry.

I am remembering that many people during that time said (with good intentions) some very hurtful things. I still cry about that too.

I am remembering that some people during that time comforted me. Kent was one of those people. He always had a hug and a smile for me. I cried on his shoulder many times during those first few months after losing my son. Some time later, I thanked him once for being so helpful and he said, "It's none of my business who I help."

I think Kent meant that many good intentioned actions hurt people and many unintentioned actions help people. How helpful we are is not directly correlated to how good intentioned we are.

I have come to prefer action over intention.

Thus, I have no new year's resolutions.