Posted by Pattie on 6/01/2010 04:37:00 PM

I've got irons in the fire. I really do. I've been busy with a bunch o different things. Practical things. Artsy things. Social things. Growing and Developing things. I am planting seeds and furiously, fiercely nurturing these seeds. But I'm not seeing any buds. No little bits of green popping out of the ground anywhere. I keep thinking something has to happen. But nothing is.

Okay. That's not really true. There are things that are happening and there are good signs.

But it isn't happening fast enough!

Call me crazy, but I have always had several voices in my head. A committee. This is probably why sociology appeals to me much more than psychology. I am a group and I need to know group dynamics just to know my own mind.

I have a sensible voice that tells me I must go to work, put in my time, draw my check. I have a traveler voice that hears the call of the open road and can't stand to stay still. I've lived in the apartment I'm in right now for close to 42 months and that may be the longest I've lived anywhere in my adult life. And it is a small apartment -- only about 400 sq ft for 2 people and a cat. My vagabond voice is screaming at me on a daily basis. "Time to pull up stakes! Time to move down the trail!" I have an artsy voice. I like to draw. I like to photograph. I like to write poetry. I like to video. I like the satisfaction of starting a project and finishing it and saying "I made that." I have an entrepreneur voice. It is akin to the practical me and to the artsy me, maybe a blend of both. It wants to start something important, life changing, world changing. I have a scared, little me that hates the world and wants to crawl into a corner and not come out. I have an intellectual voice that wants puzzles and mysteries and problems and challenges and grand scale barriers to solve and overcome. My intellectual voice wants adventure as much as my vagabond. Something new to chew on. Something to learn and say, "now I know." I have a social justice voice that sees what's wrong with the world and wants to make it right.

My committee is not happy with each other right now and I'm feeling blue today. I have a bunch of reasons for feeling blue because all my voices have opinions. It's probably just decompression mixed in with a little, tiny fear of the future.

I guess it's time to call a meeting and work all this out. Or it might just be time to go read a book and do the laundry. Not sure which. Stay tuned.


Anonymous said...

I like your committee. I have a mental boss who is harder on me than my real boss. I have my mental worker who likes to goof off. I have my frugalista who wants to move to a smaller place, and my magpie who wants to collect even more shiny things. And so on :)