Posted by Pattie on 6/06/2002 04:31:00 PM

Well, I almost went a month without blogging. My life has gotten quite full of late and yet I feel the need to be exactly where I am. I know it will be simpler someday, but for now I must live two lives -- researcher by day and cultural creative by night. Okay it isn't exactly a night and day thing, but hey it is definitely a split personality thing.

Today, we broadcasted an episode of First Person, Plural on CFUV regarding "Fat and Fit, Stigmatization of Fat." Jennifer Portnick did an interview with me, Tish (fellow fattypattie) Parmeley contributed her prose piece Rage and Debora Iyall contributed her poem My Size. We had one glitch when the computer made the "Bill Gates didn't like that" two chord sound of death and had to run about 5 promos in a row along with about two minutes of Carl's composition, Ralph Nader, (which we use the show theme) while we booted Windamp back up. We ended about 4 and half minutes late, but it wasn't bad. Community radio is fun and not so anal that you can't make mistakes. I am grateful for a place where I don't have to be perfect to be acceptable.

I have mixed feelings about coming out as a fat woman on the radio. First, it was pretty safe doing so on this show -- we really don't have a big listenership. I personally only know about five people who have listened (Tish being our biggest fan). There is probably more, but we do not receive a lot of feedback. I really expected a hate phone call -- I expected some medical person to call up in the middle of the show and give me an earful about how I was justifying my fat and that I was contributing to the death of fat people. It didn't happen. Second, liberals are not always fat friendly. I was leary about reception from the staff at CFUV. There are a lot of liberals who think that fat people are eating all the food meant for starving people and using all the styrofoam containers that are killing the earth. It was not a forgone conclusion that the people hanging around the studio were going to be happy with the show or comfortable with it. But no one said anything negative and they seemed geniunely excited that the topic had been brought up and especially excited that Jennifer was being featured on the show. So my greatest fears were not realized.

However, I still feel a bit lonely. The other direction I hoped for was that support would come forth from the fat community I know. I hesitate to write this here because I know some of them might eventually see this, but I was really hoping for some positive vibes from several people and nothing is forthcoming yet. Of course, in all fairness, the show was just aired a little over four hours ago as I write this and maybe I should allow them some time. On the other hand, several comments about The View were forthcoming within minutes after its airing of Jennifer's story. I guess alternative radio isn't as popular or sexy as television... and I know that already.

Still I produced some culture today and its out there and part of the whole tapestry of what makes this world happen. That is infinitely more satisfying than just sitting by and watching it happen as a consumer.