fattypatties

My Birthday Gift to Myself

I don't usually share this kind of thing, but everyone should stop and take stock of their lives on their birthday. It's part of why we mark them.

Today I did so by doing a Pathway Spread with my Medicine Cards.

BTW, I'm not going to explain the process of this spread. If you are interested, there is plenty to learn in the books and cards available via online sources.

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Here is my interpretation of the cards I drew this morning:

Past (Contrary Owl, Interpretation Deer)

Someone has deceived me. Someone has meant to cause me harm and now I must beware, protecting my property and my family. Someone is trying to keep me from spiritual growth and only through love and gentleness (not pushing them to change) will I achieve that growth.

Present (Contrary Butterfly, Interpretation Rabbit)

There is a change needed in my life that I am not recognizing. I need the courage to break out of the cocoon and make that change. It is time to let go of my fears instead of calling them to me. It is time to stop talking about the "what ifs" and the bad things. It is time to boldly move forward.

Future (Black Panther)

I need not worry about the future. I should trust that things will work out. I do not need to figure it all out at this time. The message again is to embrace the unknown and let go of fears. It is in darkness that we often find our best answers.

Life lessons moving through life (Contrary Crow, Interpretation Mountain Lion)

There has been a shift in my life and it is time to recognize it and act upon it. A new friend of mine has a program called Lead, Laugh or Get Out of the Way. This is the lesson I believe is running through my life right now. It is time for me to demonstrate myself as a leader. It is time to give authority to my own experience and to face whatever fears I have of doing so.

Challenge just conquered (Contrary Beaver, Interpretation Buffalo)

I have been dammed up and unwilling to work through the resentment I've been feeling. It is time to do something. It is time to overcome a fear of failure and act. It is a time to seek enlightenment. It is a time to be humble and ask for help and then to accept that help.

What is working for me (Opossum)

Diversion, cleverness, strategy and mental acuity are my greatest allies right now. It is a time to use drama to remove some barrier to progress. Interesting message. Carl always says "whatever gets accomplish, gets accomplished sideways."

"You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete." -- Buckminster Fuller

What is working against me (Contrary Turkey, Interpretation Raccoon)

It is important to be generous but not to the point of running on empty myself. It is time to temper my generosity with regrouping and re-strengthening my own soul, my own couffers and my own physical wellbeing.

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I don't know if this little exercise does anything for you. I am always amazed at what it does for me. I have no doubt that I've been paralyzed by fear and anger these past few days.

My birthday gift to myself is going to be to let go, to renew my energies for the unknown adventures ahead and to trust my own knowledge and gut feelings to get me through.

Prelude to a Post for my Birthday

After posting earlier this morning about the need to scrutinize scientific reporting, you will probably think I have dual personalities after reading the post I plan to write next. You'd be wrong. I have multiple personalities and I see no reason to reconcile them all.

Science is a language that demands rigor and I don't like the way it rules supreme in some rhetoric because it is obvious to me that making it supreme knowledge is UNSCIENTIFIC. Science is a methodology that leads to a specific kind of knowledge that if highly useful.

There are other ways to look at things. There are other ways of knowing. There are other things to know that science just doesn't quite cover.

One of the problems I have with the anti-evolution crowd is that they seem hellbent on demanding that we believe human beings are somehow superior. In their effort to shore up the idea that we are created in God's image, they make it sound like anything else created by God is worthless or cannot be worthwhile unless it serves us in some way. This does not fit the facts or the feelings I perceive when observing the world.

Worse yet, it is the kind of mentality that justifies wasting and damaging resources. It is why the US is not following Kyoto accord. In this way of thinking, the air is ours to waste. Materialism (as the Wedge Strategy suggests) is irrelevant and therefore material things like water and air do not mean anything.

It is a philosophy and worldview that loves death over life (and I don't care how "pro-life" they claim to be).

That is why I spend some time each week playing with Animal Medicine Cards. I don't really believe that they are objectively telling me anything special. I figure whatever reading I give them is what I'm seeing at the moment. But they do remind me to respect and understand that other life forms are valuable. There are other ways to look at the natural, material world than science. Some ways lead to death. Some ways lead to life.

Okay, remember I said "science" is a magic word?

This is a great example as to why it is important to clearly understand methodology and content in scientific reporting. I can think of no better example of the kind of thing that contextualizes scientific reporting in popular sources. If you think this is an unusual plan, you're wrong. I guarantee that every pharmaceutical company and chemical company in the world has a similar marketing plan. They just don't conveniently publish it on the web.

thanks to Zuska for the heads up on this

Look, the reason this is important to me is simple. My fat body has been the debate of science and medicine for some time and there is little evidence to support the supposed science created by the well-oiled diet-pharamceutical industrial complex. But scientific discovery is under attack from many sources these days and it isn't ironic or surprising that the same people who create government policies designed to scare us about food and weight are the same people who use their so-called moral code to filter science. On the right, scientific study is being co-opted to prove morality. On the other side (not the left, because it ain't liberal), capitalists are co-opting scientific discovery to set up their own profit centers. Since universities are so heavily funded by both of these factions and since they have acquiesed to the pressure by pushing academics into grant races rather than supporting exploration and discovery free of such biases, we have to work hard to sort through the filters. We have to take what we hear in the media with a great big grain of salt. We have to inspect the data.

Bottom-line. If you are not able or willing to inspect the data for yourself and you are not able or willing to think critically about the possibilities of bias, hidden agendas or just plain misleading conclusions, then DON'T REPEAT THE MEMES.

Any sentence you begin with "studies have shown..." should be stopped right there. If you can't name the study and haven't read it, then shut up!

Why?

Not because I believe everything we think or say should be documented. Talk from your experience if you like.

People like the ones who created the "Wedge Strategy" are depending upon you to repeat their messages.

Admit you don't know. Tell people you have only heard about it and can't really know it. Talk from your own experiences. Ask your self and disclose to others what your source of information is.

Why is this important? Because all of this misinformation leads to death, destruction and poor quality of life. Words harm.

So think. Disclose. Examine. Question everything. I know it hurts your brain.

If it is too much for you to think about these things, then shut up.

Can We Talk?

Well, I'm dead in the water. I feel paralyzed and pretty discouraged right now. I got no one else to talk to about this, so I hope you don't mind a rather self-indulgent post.

Last week, I confirmed that all my papers, including data sets, background info for my dissertation, original research, poetry, essays and newspaper clippings of my publications have been destroyed. They are no more. I'm also pretty sure (though I haven't made a full inventory) that a number of books and some furniture is gone as well.

Then as if this little shit sundae needed anything else, the hard drive on our computer bit the dust and with it all the planning I'd done for the third quarter. I spent two weeks in late June and early July working through a goals planning exercise that was quite helpful in focusing me on where I wanted to go and how I wanted to get there. The exercise itself lent me clarity and some hope. The end product was a fairly detailed plan of action.

So there goes my past and there goes my future in one week.

I know. I know. Neither is true. I still know everything I knew without the papers and could probably recreate most of what I need, though some of the recreation would be costly in time and money and some of the recreation simply would not be the same (you really can't rewrite poetry without it being a different poem). I know my goals and they are still my goals and I could recreate them over a few days.

It's weird. In a way nothing has changed. In a way everything has changed.

My overwhelming feeling is one of absolute paralysis. I am going through the motions but my heart is elsewhere. I cry at the least little provocation. I mope. I feel like one of those wind up toys that bumps into things and changes direction only to bump into something else and change direction again, with the occasional winding down to a complete stop. I'm either wound down or frantic -- no in between.

Things are getting done. But it is almost like they are getting done in spite of me AND so much more could be getting done.

I want to ascribe some meaning to last week. I want to tell myself that this is the universe telling me to let go and live in the moment. I want to tell myself that all that holding on and all that planning was just anal rentitiveness. I'm a creative spirit and this was my spirit creating the present.

But if I created this, why does letting go not sing to me?

Maybe it is because the present is not a lot of fun at the moment. We have no A/C in our van or our convertible -- 24 people have died from the heat, btw -- and going out in the middle of the day is draining. The a/c at the RV is kicking off more often than not. The condo where Carl and I rent has a leaky a/c -- it is cooling but I fear it will die any day now. On top of the computer drive, we've also lost one of our printers. I haven't found a way to make a sale, or earn money in several months now. Medical care, dental care and just plain caring are becoming impossible.

Please understand a lot of good things are going on as well, but all those good things are going to pay off in the future. Right now. Right here. Life is a lot harder than it should be.

I feel like I'm being tested. I feel testy.

So I just bounce off this wall, that door, the other table leg. I wind down a bit then wind back up again. I just don't know where this is leading.

You know I thought writing all this down would help but I guess it doesn't always work that way.

Thanks for "listening."

Life is Absurd

Some times I stop and try to make sense out of my life. Usually, I hate to admit, when things are not going well. Life is absurd. That is the only thing that makes sense to me.

Of course, this is coming from someone who is awake after not being able to sleep well for days and my guess is that my sore neck and shoulders, my lack of sleep and my general ups and downs have led me to this feeling of ennui and existential despair.

This week has been one of the most absurd.

On the plus side, I've forged a business partnership that I believe will be quite rewarding in a few months both financially and personally. We've also made a multimedia connection in town that looks like it is going to be a mentoring situation that may finally produce attention to some of our projects. We found a way to get some financial relief that will give us breathing room so we can get to the end of some projects without having to drop back and punt. I made some significant contacts and leads at my networking group. We finally have Internet access at home (which is why I can write this at 5am instead of sleeping). My baby's mementos survived the TAH purge.

On the negative side, TAH rogered us more that I could even imagine with furniture and books missing as well as my life's work. We've been trying to get an air conditioner for our van and still are having problems getting it installed which may seem trivial except that over 20 people have died in the Phoenix heat during the past two weeks and the monsoons are here with dust storms that carry valley fever. I got caught in a mud storm Friday night. It was, uh, different to see a wall of mud hit your car. Fortunately, I was in a rental car at the time. The week ended with me in considerable neck and shoulder pain from I do not know where, my a/c in the apartment leaking water, from I do not know where and one of our computer's crashing with little hope of recovery (though I still believe in the gadget man). I, of course, have not back-up for the past three weeks and have probably lost some significant work on several projects and a thorough job of 3rd quarter planning. Of yeah, and I managed because of the crash to totally forget that a friend of mine was the opening act last night at a comedy club here in town and we missed her show. Of yeah, and one of my favorite dog's in the world was found to have liver cancer and I feel really sad, especially for the two wonderful women who are her keepers.

Roller coaster.

What am I supposed to make of a week like this. I feel a bit beat up.

I went to bed at 2:30 am and woke up around 4:30 am in a cold sweat. A quick look-up suggests it is the a/c problems and not valley fever.

One step forward and two steps back. I've been here before. I ought to know by now that these things pass, but right now it just feels like the shuffle.

I read these words this week and they worry me:

Some people think themselves into a corner with obstacles that are illusionary. By the time they decide what to do, the opportunities are gone and old age is upon them. All of their dreams have passed them by.

I sometimes feel like I'm in a race of sorts and that the "Langoliers" are chomping away.

Next Thursday is my birthday. My 48th birthday. That probably has something to do with my general mood as well.

Certainly the loss of our papers and the loss of our hard drive presents an opportunity for a new start. Maybe this is a Shaman's Death, a ritual initiation that will allow me a rebirth of sorts.

One voice says "yes, walk towards the life." Another voice says, "Are you kidding me? You are certainly arrogant to assume any spiritual meaning to this crap."

As I said, life gets absurd some times.

Well, the sun is up. I'm going to see if I can get some sleep.

TAH Updated

The stuff arrived. All my school papers and datasets are gone. The baby's stuff and some wedding mementos survived. Not sure what else is and is not there. I will do an inventory some time later (probably at night and out of heat).

Don't know what to do yet. I am relieved that some of the most precious stuff was there, but it still hasn't sunk in what the magnitude of the loss is.

"Science" is a magic word

Why we should not believe everything we read, hear or see about scientific studies:


Charges of fake research hit new high: Doctors accused of making up data in medical studies

Here is the scariest section (emphasis mine):

Allegations of research misconduct reached record highs last year — the Department of Health and Human Services received 274 complaints, which was 50 percent higher than 2003 and the most since 1989 when the federal government established a program to deal with scientific misconduct.

Chris Pascal, director of the federal Office of Research Integrity, said its 28 staffers and $7 million annual budget haven’t kept pace with the allegations. The result: Only 23 cases were closed last year. Of those, eight individuals were found guilty of research misconduct. In the past 15 years, the office has confirmed about 185 cases of scientific misconduct.

Research suggests this is but a small fraction of all the incidents of fabrication, falsification and plagiarism. In a survey published June 9 in the journal Nature, about 1.5 percent of 3,247 researchers who responded admitted to falsification or plagiarism. (One in three admitted to some type of professional misbehavior.)


Scientists are people too and scientific research is only as good as its pratitioners practices.

The best course of action? Skepticism. Pure and simple.

1. Don't believe everything you read.

2. Don't judge everything you read on the basis of the first thing you read.

3. As a t-shirt I saw recently said, "It's called thinking. You should try it sometime."

There is a lot more that I would like to share about how to discern good information from bad. I'm pretty busy right now and probably won't get a chance to do so for a bit, but stay tuned...