Posted by Pattie on 4/10/2005 03:04:00 PM

Living in the Material World

I sometimes seek counsel and creative lateral thinking by looking at Medicine Cards. The totem spreads help me focus on things I wouldn't think about other wise.

I am surprised at times at how pertinent to my life. This past two weeks have been especially wild. I pulled a card that suggested that I would have difficulty staying in the materials world. My heart and my head have been elsewhere. The physical world has not worked for me lately. My computer has trouble. My car has trouble. My legs have trouble. My mind is floating around in a dreamworld.

It might be spring in the desert. It is beautiful here. If someone had told me a year ago that I would have fallen in love with the desert, I would have laughed. I love trees. I love water. I love snow. No way, I could enjoy sand and heat. But I do. There is a spiritual quality to the Arizona desert that I cannot describe or show.

It might be Anne William's fault. She and Peggy Elam came for a visit a couple of weeks ago. (Actually, they came for a retreat in Phoenix and took an afternoon out to visit us.)They brought us an advance copy of Anne's book, Unconventional Means. I read it in less than a day. Carl and I took them to Tonto National Forest and Saguaro Lake Park near Phoenix. Between the book and the trip to the desert, I seem to be off in another dimension. Both reminded me of a part of myself that gets neglected at times.

Of course, it might just be that I'm finally getting some good sleep. I have been sleeping in a chair since I had pnemonia in December 2002. Well, I no longer have to sleep in a chair. I now have an adjustable bed. I got one for $35.00!!! Yep, the decimal is in the right place. This is the only thing in the material world that has been working right for me. I have been sleeping like I have years to make up for, which I do. So perhaps the dreams and the daydreaming and the spring fever is just my mind and body catching up on sleep. Maybe the feeling that I am not quite in the material world is a material matter after all.

This dreaming is not practical. I have started a new career, which is why I have not been writing much here or at Ample Ramblings. I have accumulated a lot of wisdom over the years. I say that not so much as a brag, but as an affirmation. In about two months, I will be on this earth for 48 years. They have been hard years, but they have taught me a lot. The greatest lesson they taught me was that process is important. Sometimes the journey is more important than the destination because once you know how to take the journey well you can find your way to many other things.

I have begun working with a company that provides learning processes to businesses, nonprofit organizations and youth. I like the materials. I like the network of people with whom I am working. I like what I am doing a lot. But it is going to take time to establish myself and my work (and to make money). In this work, you are not only selling the materials, you are selling yourself. That is a new experience for me.

Promotion has been the thing I have resisted the most. I spent some time this morning going through old diaries and old pictures, mostly from the past five years. I started out this century moving to a new country and trying to be an immigrant. That didn't work out the way I had hoped. I learned a lot from the experience, but in many ways, sitting in Arizona after six months, I find myself in the exact same position I was four years ago. I am starting a new job. I am living in a new culture. I am making new friends. I am not sure where all of this is going to lead.

The difference this time is that I have changed. This time I have a clear idea as to where I want this to lead and I have tools to find my way to those goals. I am stronger and clearer on who I am and what I want. I have let go of some people, places and ideas that held me back.

I am not the person I was in 2000/2001. That is important. I guess.