Posted by Pattie on 10/02/2002 09:41:00 AM

I've been doing some more thinking about the bullying crap. I was reading Kell's post about (among other things) being kosher as a pagan. It is amazing to me how rapidly solutions offered to the crap that one can get from the world are often filled with blame-the-victim messages. Not happy? Well you just aren't doing it right, are you?

Specifically, Kell said:

"I think one of the biggest crimes (not the biggest -- that honor goes to lynching and gas chambers) committed through bigotry is that stigmatized people wind up seeing so much of their local world (and some of the global world, too) at its least reliable, most foolish, and sometimes most cruel. We have bigger hurdles to overcome when keeping hope alive than does someone who is met with smiles or neutrality instead of insults (see 9/28/02). I'm not sure what that means. I'm pretty sure it helps screw up the magic."

Nietzsche is oft quoted as saying "what ever doesn't kill me will make me stronger." I sometimes have my doubts about this. A psychologist from the 70s, whose name escapes me at the moment, wrote about the effects of racism on African-American family life. He coined the term "Extreme Mundane Societal Stress." By this he meant that racism was a tramautic event that happened everyday with no escape. I'm pretty sure such stress doesn't make one stronger even if it doesn't immediately kill you.

It is that kind of stress that I've been feeling this week. Back to square one -- trying to re-sort out all the issues of how much I am okay with myself. Trying to get centred again. Trying to find a comfortable place in my own skin. Is the bully doing all this work? I doubt it. He's probably off somewhere, having a burger and congratulating himself on how well he did his "job." He gets to talk freely. I get to find my voice, one more time.